In 2012 alone, 49,917 divorces were granted in Australia. Although couples dream of happily ever after on their wedding day, the truth of the matter is that it may take several years of marriage for couples to finally realise that they have grown apart or are actually not compatible with one another; however, many couples simply do not possess efficient and effective communication skills. As a result, most couples spend a lot of time fighting in an unhealthy manner that damages their relationship. If your marriage is on the rocks, here are 3 tips that you can implement to stop fighting with one another.
Take A Break Before Talking It Out
When getting into a fight, your stress hormones get triggered, and so does your 'flight or fight' response. The sympathetic nervous system will release several different hormones and chemicals, like adrenaline and noradrenaline, which impact your emotions and your ability to respond in a logical manner. As your blood pressure and breathing rate increases, you may have a hard time keeping your cool.
If you find yourself getting overwhelmed by your own emotions, take a break before talking it out. It generally takes anywhere between 20 to 60 minutes for your body to return to its pre-arousal state.
Focus On The Present And Forget About The Past
While fighting, many couples are tempted to bring up past issues. Not only is this discouraging, but it only causes more stress. Since the past cannot be changed, it is important to let it go and focus on the problems that you are dealing with in the present. Keep your focus on what is bothering you today, and also determine how the situation can be resolved. Although it is easy to get off-topic, it is important to stop both yourself and your spouse when this happens and get back on track.
If you find that you or your spouse continuously brings up issues from the past, then it may be because it has yet to be resolved. Unresolved issues can fester and become much larger ones. It may be wise to take some time later to discuss these problems in a calm and mature manner.
Take Turns Speaking
Last but not least, take turns speaking. It is important to be listening when your spouse is talking. Although you may not agree with him or her, try your best to try and understand where they are coming from. When taking turns to speak, it is crucial that the listening party is not interrupting or thinking of a rebuttal. Learning how to listen can actually be extremely difficult.
Because many couples are not familiar with techniques that are used to stop fights or prevent fights from becoming worse, older and unresolved issues become buried under newer ones. Over time, this can cause a huge strain on a relationship. If you and your spouse are both having a hard time communicating effectively and efficiently, speak with a counsellor. A professional like Inner Dimensions may be able to provide more insight into the relationship, and teach both you and your spouse some communication techniques that can greatly improve the quality of your relationship.